No Child's Behind Left - the football analogy

No Child Left Behind:
The Football Version
Author Unknown

1. All teams must make the state playoffs, and all will win the championship. If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable.
If after two years they have not won the championship, then their footballs and equipment will be taken away until they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same football skills at the same time and in the same conditions. No exceptions will be made for interest in football, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents. ALL KIDS WILL PLAY FOOTBALL AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL.

3. Talented players will be asked to work out on their own without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in football, have limited athletic ability, or whose parents don't like football.

4. Games will be played year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th games.

5. This will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimal goals.
If no child gets ahead, then no child will be left behind.

If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-athletes and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad football players.
~
note: I heard it a few days ago on Thom Hartmann's program and Googled it for a short while, but didn't find the original source.
An interesting point of my search was the variety of edited "versions" on the net.
From just my small sampling, it seems posters left out parts, perhaps according to their politics. One left out the part about the parents, presumably not wanting to wander down the contentious path of spreading the blame for bad children. More than one omitted the part about vouchers and charter schools, presumably they support the privatizing of education but something in the basic logic of the piece must have appealed to them.
I may not have the whole version either, but I tried. I can claim my version has as much as I was able to collect, and I didn't censor it.
Maybe someone will add to it or give credit where due.